How to Stop Caring About What Other People Think
Live a life based on someone’s expectation led you far away from knowing who you are
In the past few years, I pretended not to be who I am because I was scared that the society wouldn’t accept the way I am. So, I would say about things that the other people want to hear or behave the way others expect me to be. At that time, it didn’t matter either it was a lie or not as long as I could fit with society.
Seeking social approval is natural part of human behaviour especially when we grow up. We tend to gravitate towards people who have the common things because it’s easy for them to validate what we think and what we feel. We don’t dare to take a chance on something that may bring disapproval and avoiding to do things that are truly important for us because we are afraid about other people judgments and opinion about us.
Seeking validation is a common problem that so many people face today, trying to let it go is difficult; it is how our brains functioning. According to a research team from university college London and Aarhus University in Denmark who publish in the journal suggests that:
“The area of our brains associated with reward is more active when others agree with, and reinforce our own opinions.”
Based on the research, when we get a validation from others. It feels good about who we are, and the more validation we get, the more sensation we feel. This natural habit makes us craving for someone’s approval because it gives satisfactory feeling. But it doesn’t mean that we must depends on someone’s approval to make us feeling good.
You can change this mindset based on some insights which I use to stop caring about what other people think and I hope it will be useful for you.
Stop Making Assumption
“People aren’t thinking about you the way that you’re thinking about you.”
— Alexis Rose
We usually assume what other people think of us is exactly the same as we think about it. When we give a presentation in a meeting or at a social event, we start to create our inner monologue in our head and assume every person’s facial expression are cynical to us and sometimes their comments mean something which makes us feel overwhelming.
Do you want to know the truth about this perception? Back in 1997, according to researchers about “Human Conversational Behaviour” by Robin Dunbar and Anna Marriott has been found:
“That 78% of our conversations are talking about ourselves and our perception of the world.”
It means that nobody thinks that much about you because they mostly think and talk about themselves, so do you.
When we think about what other people think of us, actually we think about ourselves. That’s funny, right?
When I knew about this research, it makes me stop assuming about what other people think of me because I knew most people concerns is not about myself.
Put Things in Perspective
I’m sorry this one doesn’t sound good. Let me tell you the truth, nobody cares about you as much as you care about yourself. I know it’s hard to swallow the pill, but it’s true. According to a quotation from psychology today article:
“Nobody outside of your immediate family and circle of friends really cares very much about you because you don’t impact their lives. Most people are focused predominantly on themselves. They have neither the time nor the energy to devote to people that have little effect on them”
It means only a few people who care or think about you because most people are so focus on themselves.
Before the pandemic takes over, I had lectures in my class. My lecturer gave us some questions to answer and I raised my hand to answer them. My answers were totally wrong, yes it made me pretty embarrassed. But who gave a shit? Nobody cared about me. Even if all my friends knew about my wrong answers, they already forgot about them within minutes.
Here’s another example, you plan a date with someone and then you realize that you have small acne on your face then it makes you extremely embarrassed because it will be a disaster date ever. But actually, people don’t care about your small acne because they are too busy with their appearance and they don’t focus to notice a little thing. If they asked about it, they don’t mean it.
Take a moment to put things in a perspective, if you have a bad hair or your coffee spill over your dress when you are waiting in line at the grocery store, nobody will notice it. Even if they notice it, they will forget it in a blink.
Stop Being People Pleaser
If we always say “yes” to everyone it means we don’t have priority in our life, it will drain our energy and waste our time because we try to fulfil other people’s agenda than our own.
Being people pleaser makes us afraid to say what we want and behave what’s supposed to be because we are afraid about what other people think, do or say about us.
It’s totally fine if you want to say “yes” to someone else, but make sure you don’t say “no” to yourself.
Here is the thing, that is impossible to please everyone. So, if you want to stop caring about other people’s opinion, you can start focusing on the people whom you think are matter to you and stop focusing on everyone who doesn’t want to be in your life.
The truth is that it’s easier to stop caring about other people when you only focus on the things and people that are matter to you. If you apply this concept then you will have the confidence to say the thing you want to say.
So, to help you quickly find the courage to stop being a people pleaser, maybe you can ask yourself. “Which one is better, to be loved for who you are not or to be hated for who you are?”.
It’s your choice.
