How To Become More Likable Person
The greatest asset during conversation is not talking more but listen more
“Most People do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” — Stephen R Covey
A few years ago, it was difficult for me to have an authentic conversation with people around because my social interaction with others felt like a competition. I was so insecure if I couldn’t reply to others in a smart way, I felt inferior. It took a lot of attention and energy to focus on myself because I talk about my own life too much that I rarely give the other person opportunity to speak and it caused my social life sucked.
When we talk more about ourselves, it’s more interesting than listening to other people because it feels good, isn’t it? According to a study about our brain chemistry found by researchers:
“Researchers found that sharing personal information led to activity in the reward areas of the brain — the same ones that are engaged in response to rewards like sex and food. Talking about other people did not trigger the circuits as much.”
Based on the research, it means our favourite topic is about ourselves because it triggers and activates the brain’s area for sex and food, that is why most people are addicted to talk about themselves.
So, the question is, are we become likable enough by other people if we always talk about ourselves? Of course Not.
Here are some insights if you want to be likeable by most people and improve your social life.
Showing You Are Genuinely Interested
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
— Dale Carnegie
If you want to make other people interest in you, instead of trying to talk about yourself, your achievement, your worries, your past, and your future which lead to monopolize the conversation, you can start to invite them to talk about their life, passion, interest, and listen attentively to what they say.
During the conversation, if you don’t understand what it means, you can keep asking to get more information or clarification. It shows that you are genuinely interested in others and value their opinion, you will receive great and unexpected rewards.
So, if you want to be more likable by others, you should talk less about yourself and start to ask people about themselves and listen to them.
Give Them a Meaningful Compliment
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
— Maya Angelou
How do you feel when someone gives you some credits based on your personality or character not from your background or appearance? It feels different, right?
I remember how it feels when I get a compliment from my lecturer, my boss, my friends, my family even strangers. It feels like they make my day and become a reminder for myself when I feel down and I am pretty sure you know exactly how it feels.
According to research in Sacred Heart University about “The Psychology of Giving and Receiving Compliments”, the scientist found that giving meaningful compliment has a stronger effect to someone because it means for them.
If you admire or like someone because of their work, attitude, ethic, energy, mindset, or humour, please don’t hesitate to tell them because it doesn’t only make someone feel good but also makes you become likable person by recognizing something about their values when most people can’t see or notice it.
Don’t Interrupt
Give someone space to talk about their life during a conversation without interrupting them directly even you have the desire to speak. Changing this behaviour is not easy but it’s worth if you want to get a meaningful relationship with someone.
As humans, we seek out for approval and acceptance in our social circle. By trying not to interrupt someone when they speak, it shows that you give respect and appreciation. Once they recognize it, they will do the same thing.
Final Thought
Having genuine conversation with someone is a skill that worth to be learned. Once you implement it in conversation, it will have a meaningful impact on your ability to feel more deeply connection with other people.
All humans need to get an authentic conversation in their social circle and it’s impossible to happen if we talk more than we listen.
I’m going to leave you with beautiful quote from Epictetus:
“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
